I’ll probably be reported to the feline authorities for sharing this, but I have discovered what I believe is a section from The Cat Codex, the top-secret resource that documents all things Cat. To my knowledge, no human has ever had access to this. This is the section on Doors. From the Cat Codex:Chapter 17, Section 3, Paragraph 4 DoorsClosed doorsSituation: Closed doors are forbidden. Obviously there’s something desired or essential on the other side of a closed door that a human / thumbed creature is attempting to prevent a cat from accessing. Action: Use all resources to demand the opening of the door, including but not limited to:
Note: This applies in all situations, i.e.:
Open doorsSituation: Open doors are an invitation. If a door is open, that means whatever is on the other side belongs to the cat. Action: Enter the room and perform the appropriate action, according to the circumstances, including but not limited to:
A. Laptop B. Keyboard C. Lap D. Any human reading material (particularly if human is currently reading it), including but not limited to: a. Newspapers b. Magazines c. Books d. Electronic readers Alternate Action: Stand in the doorway, so all traffic must flow around you.
A. Sitting in the doorway B. Bathing in the doorway C. Sleeping in the doorway Doors that are ajarSituation: Doors that are ajar require thoughtful consideration, since they are neither completely open or closed.. There are several possible actions. Action option 1: Even though there is theoretically enough space for you to walk between the door and the jamb, you may act as if the door is closed. (See: Closed Doors.) Action option 2: Walk through the open space. It’s possible that a human meant to close the door, but an open door of any kind is an invitation (See: Open Doors) so you may enter and take additional actions as indicated. Action option 3: Push door open. The most desired form of this action results in the door slamming open. This takes a little strength, and is best performed with an understanding of the physics involved. Recent feline research shows that standing on the hind legs and leaning heavily on the door creates the best leverage for this action. Action option 4: Wait just outside the door. Rarely used, this option requires a subtle touch to pull off. It is recommended that only experts attempt it. The key to the success of this action is optimal placement, causing the the maximum amount of consternation as humans aren’t expecting a cat immediately upon egress, and the startle factor can instigate the always entertaining Try Not To Trip Over The Cat Maneuver. An added touch post-Maneuver is to shoot a look at the human, including but not limited to: A. Fear (Requires acting talent) B. Disappointment C. Disgust NOTE: Experts who have achieved their Level 5 CAT can further leverage the situation, by leveraging hunger mode (See Chapter 4, Section 7, Paragraph 3: Modes (Hunger): How to Look Like You’re Starving). Do your pets have rules about doors? You may also like:
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